S8 Ep 17: 13 Years into Solo Motherhood by Choice with a Known Sperm Donor with Elle

I frequently hear from listeners who want to hear more stories from SMBCs further along their solo parenting journey. It’s helpful to have context for some of the challenging conversations and situations moms of older children experience as SMBCs.

Today’s guest, Elle, became a single mother by choice at 36, using a known sperm donor: someone she briefly dated years before. Today, her son is 13, and her story gives us a rare, honest look at what life can look like after the decision is made and we leave the diaper years behind us. 

I love how open Elle is in sharing the beautiful, the complicated, the surprising, and everything in between. From managing pregnancy and postpartum alone and watching her son’s relationship with his donor evolve, to navigating school choices, identity questions, and early teenage years.

If you’ve ever wondered whether a known sperm donor could work for you, or you’re simply craving a long-term perspective from someone further down the solo motherhood path, Elle’s story offers us a peek into what it can look like.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How Elle decided to pursue solo motherhood at 36;

• Why she chose a known donor over a sperm bank and how she went about it;

• What the donor relationship looked like during pregnancy and postpartum;

• Her son’s evolving understanding of who his “donor” or “dad” is;

• Legal considerations (and misconceptions) around known sperm donors;

• Navigating boundaries, expectations, and emotional complexity over 13 years;

• Identity, gender expression, and raising a compassionate son;

• The challenges and rewards of solo parenting an older child;

• Trusting yourself through big parenting and school decisions;

• And much more.